For the 23rd or 24th time last weekend (but who’s counting?), I attended a high school prom. However, I did not rent a tux, I did not wear a boutonniere, I didn’t buy anyone a corsage, and I arrived home long before midnight. (Granted I did not chaperone the entire evening like some of our teachers, and to them I offer thanks.) All in all, it was a wonderful evening. I enjoyed watching our students, whom I am accustomed to seeing in jeans and t-shirts, arrive in evening gowns, tuxedos, or suits and soon slip off their high heel shoes or jackets so they could dance comfortably; they seem to be having a good time. I wondered if the prom played as mythic a role in their lives as it did when I was in high school, but it seemed like it did not. For that, I was happy for them. After all, there is only so much of a life-changing impact a dance can have.
A couple of weeks ago, I saw a photo essay from Mary Ellen Mark's book, Prom, that traced photos of couples on prom night from 1986 to today. The article is linked below. In these pictures, one sees excitement, anxiety, resignation, and every other emotion that one would expect of young men and young women at this highly anticipated spring ritual. While Mark’s photos came from across the United States, I recently learned how common the custom is across cultures of holding a spring dance near the end of one’s high school experience. In some cases, this may be a borrowing of an American experience, but in other cases, it is an important indigenous rite of passage for students to celebrate before they either begin the next level of their education or head into the work force.
While events such as prom do have some importance, it is refreshing to know that most students are able to view them from a proper perspective. A formal dance can provide an opportunity for young men and young women to let their hair down after working very hard in their academic courses or struggling anxiously over their college choices; however, like a suspenseful mystery or a cinematic thriller that provides an escape, the dance does not prevent one from having to face the real work that is still there the morning after the dance. It was heartening to learn that Bosque School does not engage in the ritual of choosing a prom king and queen, and I shared with a colleague that the only time one of my former schools did have a prom court, it was done by a raffle; this way everyone had a chance to participate rather than it being simply a contest about popularity or perceived physical beauty.
Maybe one of the most important lessons we can remember when planning events like prom is to ensure that they reflect the values of our schools. If we desire our schools to be places where our students feel valued in their academic pursuits and extra-curricular activities, we need to make sure that the social opportunities we provide live up to those tenets as well. We contradict ourselves when we espouse a wish for our schools to be institutions where everyone is equally appreciated and there is no social hierarchy, but then we select the prettiest girl and the handsomest boy to reign over all; as we know, adolescents have a highly refined ability to sniff out hypocrisy, and they realize that our actions speak even more loudly than our words. As the educators Theodore and Nancy Sizer pointed out in the title of one of their books, The Students Are Watching: The Moral Contract of Schools. Students are listening to what we say, but even more so, they are watching what we do.
Many years ago following my first year as serving as a Head of School, I heard then National Association of Independent Schools (NAIS) President Peter Relic say, "Every decision we make in schools is a moral one"; that should include dances. Prom can and should be fun since it marks a transition in the lives of our charges. We want our students to enjoy it and be safe. Nevertheless, we want to make sure that even a social event like a dance on a Saturday night carries on the lessons we impart to our students Monday through Friday. As the writer Anna Quindlen says, “The future is built on brains, not prom court, as most people can tell you after attending their high school reunion. But you'd never know it by talking to kids or listening to the messages they get from the culture and even from their schools.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/01/opinion/sunday/prom-night.html?scp=3&sq=photo%20prom&st=cse#
