Unfortunately, the choice to go against one’s instincts and make a bad decision can be both spontaneous and immediate; the decision can stem from a need to fit in with a group of peers, even if one knows the potential repercussions. This past summer, an article, linked here, in The Wall Street Journal by Shirley Wang, “Peer Pressure for Teens Paves the Path to Adulthood,” shed new light on peer pressure. According to the article, the desire to conform may be more connected to the physiology of the brain than previously understood. In her article, Wang quotes Beatriz Luna, a developmental cognitive neuroscientist at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center, who studies peer influence and the adolescent brain: “Instead, the key may be that the reward centers of the brain get more activated in adolescence, and seem to be activated by our peers. This heightened rush of neurotransmitters brings the teenager more pleasure than the same experience might in an adult, Dr. Luna says. In addition, the connections between the frontal lobes and other parts of the human brain are still forming into one's 20s. That means the ability to make decisions when emotional—and peer pressure often induces emotion—isn't at full strength in the teenage years.”
Teens may fully understand right versus wrong, but in the heat of the moment, the physical pleasure of going along with peers may outweigh the decision to think for themselves. In addition, the brains of teens will not be as developed as those of adults, so their decision making will not be as comprehensive. While this may not necessarily be “breaking news,” the connection between peer pressure and brain function can allow us to empathize with our children and help them to prepare for those times when they may have to decide what to do in a socially-pressured situation.
Wang also quotes Laurence Steinberg, a psychology professor at Temple University: “Teens get better at setting boundaries with peers by age 18.” So, the teen of 15 is not the teen of 18, and the older child is much more comfortable being herself than she was years before. Children grow up, and as their brains develop, they become more comfortable making decisions that may contradict their peers’ opinions. Not only is peer pressure inevitable, but it may actually be beneficial, according to Wang. Dealing with the stress and conflicts that can occur with peers provides teens with the opportunity to analyze situations, weigh options, make decisions, and become resilient in the face of difficulty. In the process, they develop wisdom. Consequently, they may also seek out new and different groups that offer positive peer pressure to elevate them, rather than drag them down.
During an alumni panel discussion with our upper school students a couple of years ago, a Bosque alumnus advised our students that the people they hang out with in college will determine who they will be. He said, “If you want to party, hang out with partiers; if you want to study, hang out with people who study and want to do well. You will be who you hang out with.” The adults in the room nodded since they knew that this Master’s in Engineering graduate student had said what we would have liked to say, but his advice was heard while ours might have been ignored.
Wang’s article also gives advice for parents to help their children handle peer pressure. Rehearsing how to deal with peer problems, and actually envisioning them beforehand, may enable teens to better deal with these situations when they occur. Sooner or later, our teens will face a situation where they have to decide whether they will go along with their friends or with what they believe to be right. At this moment, we can hope that they will understand the wisdom of both Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of the Hogwarts School in the Harry Potter series, who said, “It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends,” and the American political writer Theodore H. White, who once wrote, “To go against the dominant thinking of your friends, of most of the people you see every day, is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can have.”
Here’s to a winter break in which our students act courageously and heroically!
