Among the many statistics for which members of the Bosque community can take pride is the fact that 80% of our students play on at least one interscholastic sports team. Our students compete well against students from other schools, and we should support their hard work and dedication. As a former high school and college athlete, I can remember how motivating it was to have people in the stands cheering for our teams, and we always seemed to pick up our game when we heard the encouragement from the crowd.
As with many other things in life, there are good ways to support our children who play sports, and there are ways that can be counter-productive. Like other parents, I have had my fair share of missteps. I remember once after a middle school club basketball game, I tried to console our son, who had not played particularly well that day. In frustration, he exclaimed, “Well, that was the worst game I’ve ever played.” In my efforts to offer a sense of perspective and help him to not feel quite so badly, I said soothingly, “That’s not true. You’ve played worse in other games.” He looked at me with a dumbfounded expression on his face and said, “That didn’t really help.”
In a recent article in The New York Times, “The Rising Costs of Youth Sports, in Money and Education,” columnist Paul Sullivan studied three former college and professional athletes who are attempting to help parents be supportive and yet realistic about youth sports. As a component of his study, Sullivan found that the way some parents spend excessive money on their children’s sports can have a potentially damaging impact on their relationship with their children.
According to former Purdue University and Cincinnati Bengals kicker and current Utah State Professor Travis Dorsch, “A family bringing in $50,000 a year could be spending $5,500,” he said. “Without being judgy, I’m fine with families spending that kind of money. What’s wrong is when that investment brings out some sort of negative parent behavior. Or if the kid says mom and dad are spending $10,000 on me a year, what are they expecting in return? Is it a college scholarship? The chances are slim-to-none of a kid getting a scholarship.”
In the same way we want the classroom experiences for students at Bosque to be both challenging and supportive, we want our student-athletes to push themselves, work hard, and enjoy themselves in athletics. I recall once hearing that in any given year, approximately five or fewer boys basketball players from the state of New Mexico will go on to play at the Division 1 level. Consequently, we hope our student-athletes will do well and truly enjoy their high school sports experiences.
In addition, the article contains a text box entitled, “The View From the Bleachers,” which contains information from the Parent Guide of the Utah State University Families in Sport Lab (Darling & Steinberg, 1993; Hamachek, 1978; Holt & Knight, 2014; Pawel, 2000). This excerpt offers excellent “responsive and nonjudgmental feedback” for parents to give their children “after successful and unsuccessful outcomes:
‘Work hard and have fun today.’
‘That was a tough loss, but I am so proud of you!’
‘You’re putting in great effort and I can tell it’s paying off!’”
The box also contains examples of parental feedback that is “contingent solely on performance” and “can unintentionally cause young athletes to be discouraged, experience pressure and anxiety, or strive for perfectionism in an unhealthy way. Examples include:
‘You were doing so much better than the other kids!’
‘I love it when you score and your team wins!’
‘Because you won, I’ll take you out to go get a...’”
If you’re interested in learning more, we have linked the Utah State University Families in Sport Lab Parent Guide. It contains a wealth of good information and helpful tips.
Together, we can help our student-athletes have experiences that are enjoyable and meaningful.
