Often when I am speaking with families, I find myself reminding them, and myself for that matter, of the importance of the middle and high school years in terms of lifelong development. When students come to Bosque in sixth grade, they are pre-teenagers on the cusp of adolescence; when they graduate, they are often old enough to vote and to register for the draft. While our alumni still have much growing to do during the college years and beyond, a significant part of their personalities will be formed in the years they have spent at Bosque. So, how do we guide them on their path to becoming excellent students and extraordinary people?
A recent column in the online magazine Brain Pickings offers lessons to bear in mind as we go through life. The editor Maria Popova uses the ninth anniversary of the magazine to provide readers with nine pieces of advice that, if remembered and implemented, may offer us the opportunity to live richly and happily. These guidelines, along with my comments, are listed below:
- Allow yourself the uncomfortable luxury of changing your mind. In his book, The Fiery Trial: Abraham Lincoln and American Slavery, Eric Foner postulates that perhaps the most important personality trait of our greatest President was his willingness to change his mind, and how this manifested itself as he grappled with the issues of slavery and emancipation.
- Do nothing for prestige or status or money or approval alone. As we try to remind our students, don’t choose to do something merely for the way it will look on a college application; find your passion and work hard to achieve in that area. College admissions officers are smart enough to see through what looks like resume padding; they want to see dedication and perseverance in a subject you love.
- Be generous. In a time when it’s all too easy to criticize, particularly via websites that offer anonymity like Ask.FM or Yik Yak, it’s crucial that students seek out and recognize the good in the world, and resist the temptation to be hypercritical. A major part of integrity stems from empathy, and as Atticus Finch recommends to Scout in To Kill a Mockingbird, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view… until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”
- Build pockets of stillness into your life. More and more brain research has shown that some of our best ideas come to us when we are engaged in a non-cognitive activity in which our ideas have a chance to consolidate or move to a more creative level. Like Isaac Newton sitting under a tree or Archimedes in the bathtub, we require moments of stillness that allow our brains to wander and synthesize ideas that may still be inchoate.
- When people tell you who they are, believe them; when they tell you who you are, don’t believe them. As the story of Dr. Frances Kelsey, the doctor who fought to ban thalidomide, reminds us, in order to be successful and happy, we must ignore the momentary criticism of the crowd if we know what we are doing is right. Similarly, we must avoid the temptation to do something merely because it will bring temporary popularity.
- Presence is far more intricate and rewarding an art than productivity. We want our children to be productive, obviously, but we also want them to appreciate the moments in which they are living and to be open to whatever opportunities come their way. Middle and high school are not merely way stations on the road to something else; they are important stages in life that deserve to be lived fully and cherished.
- Expect anything worthwhile to take a long time. As the song “Crazy He Calls Me,” performed here by Billie Holliday, says, “The difficult I will do right now, the impossible may take a little while.” As adults, we need to remind our children that if something is meaningful, it will take time, and it cannot be rushed. Sometimes, the journey is just as important as the final destination.
- Seek out what magnifies your spirit. One of the most exciting moments for an educator is to see a student discover her passion or hear from an alumnus in college about a professor who inspired him to pursue a course of study or go to an entirely new level of creativity. Part of our role as adults is helping children find those people who will open them up to possibility and enlarge their sense of wonder.
- Don’t be afraid to be an idealist. In an era when "snark" and "snideness" may seem to prevail, how can we help our children learn that as Jim Kim, the World Bank’s president and co-founder of Partners In Health, says, “Cynicism is the last refuge of the coward,”? How do we help our children become courageous idealists who want to make their world better places for all?
I hope you find these nine life guidelines helpful and something to discuss with your children. If taken to heart, these suggestions can aid our children in becoming people of courage, compassion, and integrity who will have successful careers and prosperous lives.
