As educators and as parents, one of the most important but also one of the most painful things we can observe in our students/children is seeing them fail. We want them to be successful and to achieve whatever they set out to do. However, as adults we know that they will probably hit bumps in the road and experience difficult situations. If we try to prevent this from ever happening, or if we bail them out every time they get close to disappointment, we only disserve them; however, as parents, this does not mitigate the pain we experience on their behalf.
It’s at these times of difficulty, though, when we can be of the most help to our children. Unfortunately, all too often, children internalize a failure and believe that it says something about who they are innately. Consequently, they have difficulty bouncing back. They don’t understand that as our own Golden Apple Award-winning teacher Kevin Cummins said so eloquently in his acceptance speech two years ago, “A failure is an event, not a person.”
We can constantly remind students about Stanford psychology professor Carol Dweck’s research on fixed mindsets versus growth mindsets, but sometimes they may need something more concrete, like a list of ways to rebound. That’s why I was so glad to see a recent column in Business Insider called, “Why Attitude is More Important than IQ,” by Dr. Travis Bradberry. (I am not saying that intelligence is not important, but I would argue that while it may be necessary, it is not sufficient alone for success.)
In his article, Bradberry lists these strategies that can help develop a growth mindset over a fixed mindset:
- Don’t stay helpless
- Be passionate
- Take action
- Then go the extra mile (or 2)
- Expect results
- Be flexible
- Don’t complain when things don’t go your way
- Bring it all together
For each of these tips, Bradberry offers some explanation on the ways that they can help a person overcome adversity. It may be beneficial to show this list to your child or post it someplace where it can be a handy reference.
When I was a child, and a relatively small one at that, I liked to play sports; my father would often remind me, using a Southern colloquialism, “It ain’t the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.” If we can help our children understand that their ability to learn from their mistakes and perform at a higher level the next time will be one of the most important determinants for their success, we will have given them a priceless gift indeed.
